Dear junior mining company CEO,
IKN today launches its Investor Relations outsourcing service. For the sum of CAD$4,000 per month this website will offer you an industry leading outreaching service that’s so biased towards the absolute best-case spin in any given situation that it’s laughably easy for anyone remotely connected to the realities of the industry to quick realize they’re getting large quantities of smoke blown up their anal tracts. We promise to ignore any bad news your company is foreced to disclose, pay little heed to any financial weaknesses on show and smooth over poor quarterly production numbers. But as the target audience for any IR campaign these days is towards complete knownothings with enough lizard-brained greed to override any vestige of common sense they possess, none of the above is any sort of a problem to the more discerning and sophisticated junior mining company. We will guarantee to ram home every day how gold’s about to fly any day soon and get the suckers into your stock rather than anyone else’s, allowing you to raise in an equity placement, get your salary cheques paid for another year and dilute the merry hell out of the patsies we’ve just got on board.
Minimum contract period 12 months, with a three month opt-out. For further information, please contact the usual address.