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Exclusive: Zo-Lik the Financial Robot to Save World

At the G-20 conference today, Lula won the hearts’n’minds of the blue-eyed whiteys by unveiling his grand plan: Instead of putting the FateOfTheWorld™ in the hands of the very same robberbaron bankers that got us into this clusterf, top Brazilian scientists have designed and built the first ever fully automated financial robot to instil Hope™ throughout the world. Named Zo-Lik by Lula, one will be sent to the Central Banks of each G-20 member in the next 20 days.

  • “The robot will perfectly implement all financial mandates and is 100% corruption and bonus-free” remarked President Lula. “As for the design, we decided to go for a mix of Kraftwerk’s “I am the operator of my pocket calculator” and Arnie’s Terminator, as the Semtex installed in each Zo-Lik will be triggered by the proximity to embezzled accounting files.”

If all goes to plan, major banks will be equipped with one per boardroom by the end of 2009.

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