IKN loves its readers as if they were its own children and to that end, is concerned that a section of readership is about to embark on a weight loss program that will eventually fail and leave the person in question feeling depressed. Therefore, we’d like to present a succinct list of reasons why diets tend to fail and then offer some sound, heartfelt advice on how to reach your desired goal.
Reasons Why You Can’t Lose Weight
1) You have no fucking willpower
2) You eat too much fucking food
3) Drinking Coca-Cola is not as healthy as drinking a glass of fucking water.
4) Seriously, a stack of pancakes that resembles the Empire fucking State Building with maple syrup oozing down both sides is not the way to start the day.
5) Beer isn’t just fattening, it’s fucking fattening. Stop it.
6) Get some exercise, lardass. Get out of that fucking chair and put a sweat on.
What To Do About It
Shut The Fuck Up, stop eating so much, burn more calories than you ingest, quit the whining.